Fallout from the horrible reign of Christina Kukuk, Brad Roupp and Becky Martin continues….

Recently, L was invited to see a show with a couple of her friends. It was a lovely invitation and the show had received rave reviews, so she was looking forward to it. When she arrived at the theater, the Cabaret, here in Ashland, another woman, Judy, whom L did not know was part of the party who had been invited. L’s friend introduced them by saying “ Judy, do you know L?” Judy responded by saying she thought she did, but she wasn’t sure how. After a couple of suggestions about where they might have crossed paths, L said that she might know her because she was the partner of the cellist who plays in Lithia Park. With this Judy turned away with a look of disgust, saying, “ oh yes, I know about her!” From that point on throughout the gathering, including the performance, Judy looked away from L, pointedly shunning her, even placing her hand on the side of her face to block L from her view and conversation.

Of course, this is just nonsensical, rude behavior. And there are, by all means, many nonsensical, rude people one may run into from time to time. But since I know of the overwhelmingly positive response I receive from folks who know me from playing in Lithia Park, I also know that there is one reason and one reason only for making a judgement about L this dramatically in a social situation. That is: from the poison that has been spread about us since we were ex-communicated from the Ashland Congregational Church seven - yes, seven - years ago.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? This woman does not know L, at all. When L stood up to leave at the end of the performance she leaned over to Judy and said, “I’m sorry you think you know me, but you don’t. “ What is true is that this woman has, without a doubt, been a recipient of the gossip that lives on in the church community until this day. I have come to think of it as a kind of survival narrative. Something about Pastor Kukuk being the victim of some horrible people that because of their terrible behavior had to be removed. And if you want to know why the church has had trouble over the last seven years and is only a shadow of its former self, you can go back to that year, when the church was devastated by the scandal of these two people, accusing Christina Kukuk, Brad Roupp, and Becky Martin of scapegoating them.

If you belong to this church now, go ahead, tell me there is no such story that is ever told about us. Explain why this woman, whom we have no knowledge of whatsoever, thinks she knows us and so much so, that the last thing she would want to do is even look in our direction.

While you ponder this, I’ll tell you a quick story. A few months back, a woman contacted L through this website. She lives on the coast of Northern California, in the little town of Hiouchi. She wanted to know more about this guy Brad Roupp, who L had written about in this website. It turns out, Brad had bought a piece of property next to the home where this woman, her eighty year old mother and her kids were living. Brad had been systematically encroaching on their property line, building a large fence that blocked their view of the river there, and generally bullying them. He even went so far as to take them to court to get a restraining order. He wanted no pushback from them. He wanted to do as he pleased, even if it meant spoiling their view and being a terrible neighbor. In the process of the legal battle that led up to the court date, where a judge was to decide whether these women should be “restrained” from protesting these bullying behaviors from Brad, several very interesting things happened.

Brad was threatening them constantly. He said he would ruin them financially by suing them until they had nothing left. The woman who contacted L, Jennifer, had a medical condition she was fighting. She was trying to mount a legal defense without the help of a lawyer. She was asking L if she would write a letter to the judge simply describing her knowledge of Brad’s character. L was reluctant to do this. But she ended up deciding to write about her experience with Brad, which to be sure was of the quintessential power hungry bully who thinks he can walk all over people.

L and I were highly doubtful this would help much. Brad had a high-priced lawyer from California to press his case. Jennifer just had her struggling self, her story, one letter from someone who had had a very bad experience with Brad.

Then, an even more interesting thing happened. We hear from Jennifer that Brad has gotten - who can believe this? - Becky Martin - to write a scathing character assault of Both L and I. Becky’s letter included the assertion that L had to be removed from the church because she started attacking people.

This is what I mean by the myth that lives on. We did not get removed from the church because L started attacking people. We got removed from the church because from the very outset of the bullying behavior Brad began towards L, neither L or I were going to shut up about it until the congregation or the leadership of the church was actually willing to listen to us and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Becky Martin was the first defender of Brad, trying to squash us from talking. To question the sainthood of Brad was beyond the pale. Christina craftily fashioned descriptions of the conflict in such a way that you couldn’t even tell who the parties involved were, or what they were doing. And the “mediation” was nothing but a church-financed attempt to whitewash absolutely horrible behavior by every member of the leadership of the church.

So now we return to our story. The decision of the judge was in favor of Jennifer and her mother. Brad lost. But he didn’t just lose. He threw a fit, throwing a chair, cursing at Jennifer, yelling that he had spent $100,000 on the case. His wife Julia and their son were there, trying to calm Brad down…sad!

Sometimes those who are downtrodden catch a break. We do not know the aftermath of this. Jennifer was struggling throughout this time. She may be struggling even more now. But we admired her courage and to be honest, it is quite satisfying to hear of any kind of accountability that this pretentious, deceitful man has coming to him. Becky Martin came off looking particularly pathetic.

And we can return as we think about all this to the unbelievable, astonishing, horrible leadership that Christina Kukuk provided: an atmosphere that sowed fear, judgement, shunning and scapegoating and not one iota of what she was ostensibly there to do, to unite the community in a generous kind of spiritual love.

So the headline of this post should speak for itself. The stench of judgement lives on. If you belong to this church, what do you think church is for? Is it to support this clown car of characters: Judy, Christina, Brad, Becky, casting aspersions on anyone who would even question their superior judgement?

It looks to me like a great set of repairs is needed, if this church could ever return as a house of welcome and transformation through the Spirit.

Who there has the strength to undertake those repairs?

Daniel Sperry, June 6th, 2023

Such a Relief!

It is a great relief to know that Christina Kukuk is leaving Ashland, Oregon sometime soon.  Rev. Kukuk’s six years of leadership as “Senior Minister” will end this month, April 2022.  Rev. Kukuk’s ministry has been a painfully divisive and sad chapter at Ashland UCC.  Not only did Rev. Kukuk begin her work at Ashland UCC by tirelessly striving to ban congregants from her buildings, but she has also shown real gusto for lying, spending church money and covering up her own record of behavior.  

It has been stunning to watch her tear away at the fabric of the congregation and observe from a distance as the congregation has withered before our eyes.  

By my reading of the Ashland UCC website, Christina had a poor performance review and finally decided to resign as a result.  Apparently, her performance review has created even more division amid the withered congregation.  

The church also has vacancies for a Music Director and a Childcare Assistant.  Which is to say all Ashland UCC has is an embarrassing history they have tried hard to hide and Tege Phillips, who runs their office.  

It sounds like finding an Interim Minister is going to be a tough fit, especially for the salary they are offering.  It looks like they gave all the church money to the Kukuk’s, who are leaving a big divided, underfunded mess behind.   

It seems clear that Rev. Kukuk does not plan to atone for her lies and apologize for her extremely bad behavior and ethical misconduct before she leaves town.

Apparently the council plans to hire a mediator to untangle the divisions that Christina sowed after the reverend has gone. The horrible ineffiency of this plan is not lost on us.  

What an awkward position the church finds itself in now.

All the way around it has to be a positive change that Rev. Christina Kukuk and Adam Kukuk are leaving our little city.  Perhaps this move alone with help return our town to some sense of civility.  

The job listing for an Interim Minister actually sites “We are seeking someone with the ability to collaborate with staff and lay leaders in exploring the themes of loving our neighbors as ourselves and the spiritual practices of joy even (and especially) in times of trauma and loss.”  That sentence came directly from their website and not from Christina. It states clearly their intention to remember the theme of loving thier neighbors. 

“Love thy neighbor as thyself”, was one of Jesus’ most prominent teachings.   Love thy neighbor is not Rev. Kukuk’s orientation.   As David Schultz announced with confidence to Daniel way back in 2016, “She knows how to get rid of people.” And he was right, she did have a process: using mediators to help her, lying, never meeting with or allowing council to meet with the accused congregants, never allowing congregants to defend themselves, shaming the entire Congregational Meeting with numerous lies beginning with her false point of order followed by a truly horrifying display of rancor and bad faith. As though she did not realize that she had a sacred responsibility to the people of her church. The woman I came to know as Rev. Christina Kukuk is a tragically dispiriting minister.

I thank God she is leaving.

It is wonderful that by appearances it looks like the church that remains wants to resurrect Love thy neighbor. May they at least try to walk thier Jesus talk.

 Happy Easter!

~L Citizen

Christina Kukuk is leaving!

Christina Kukuk is stepping down as Senior Pastor. From what we hear, leaving town in April.

The person who shared this with me didn’t want to “spread the rumors”, but something less than savory was implied. I am curious to know the circumstances that have led to her exit, immediately following her sabbatical and church sponsored family trip to Egypt. What can be seen on the Ashland UCC website is a call for an Interim Pastor, with a proposed salary of less than half of what Christina was making. All signs point to a church that is in chaos. Financial trouble is a big part of the picture now, and the future of the church is uncertain.

If it hasn’t been stated clearly enough yet, what happened at the supposed “peace church” since Christina arrived is a tragedy, on so many levels. A tragedy of her leadership, but sad to say, an even bigger tragedy for the people who chose to rally behind her. That unholy alliance may well prove to be, when the further history of this dark situation is written, the downfall of a once-thriving spiritual community.

Will anyone reach out to us to share more of the dramatic news about Christina’s departure?

I understand that it may be painful, embarrassing, perhaps even humiliating. But the congregation of this church has long been in need of a good hard look at the reality of its situation. It appears that such a time has come…

Catharsis is for everyone....

Our scapegoating in 2016 at the Ashland United Church of Christ ( also known as the “Ashland Congregational Church” or, even more ironically, the “Peace Church”) was cathartic, not only for us, but for the congregation itself. 

By the time we published this website in December of that year, the congregation was not interested in practicing any kind of “radical welcome”, as Jesus taught. They had collectively, sometimes intentionally and sometimes mindlessly, resorted to a kind of “social club for good people” mentality. 

According to the rules of the “social club for good people” rules, L and Daniel, who were attempting to get some very bad behavior on the part of Brad Roupp and Christina Kukuk discussed and addressed, had to serve as examples of what “good” and “bad” would mean going forward. 

“Good” would mean:

• Don’t ask questions.

• Don’t ruffle the feathers of the new minister, Christina Kukuk.

• Don’t question Brad Roupp, ever.

• Don’t question the Council.

The idea was this: your job as a member of the church is to show up, maintain the pretense of “goodness”, support the church with money, so that these fine “leaders” can help perpetuate the scam for everyone in attendance. The church had become a collective exercise in denial and virtue signalling. 

What the congregation “purged” in the process was it’s soul. Instead of the heart that had been engaged in community in the years prior to Christina’s arrival, the congregation decided to surrender to the will of their new chosen pastor, along with surrendering the idea that there was something “Christian” - or even “spiritual” - going on inside the doors of that church. 

No forgiveness, no atonement, no redemption, no grace. No blessing. 

It is not a surprise that as we pass by the church, the place looks desolate and forlorn; dead. We assume it is. Whatever was alive and vibrant in the years we attended is gone. 

Christina had a catharsis, too. Let’s look at that. The work she performed in casting out the “devils” in the form of L and Daniel, making them stand as scapegoats in her petty war on conversation, truth and reconciliation, had a particularly cathartic effect on her life. 

Once this website was published and began receiving traffic from all over the country and the world, it quickly became clear that the first results one could find when searching the name “Christina Kukuk” on Google was this account of her corruption of the church. 

What this will mean for her future as a minister remains to be seen. 

But one thing is certain: no one will ever have to engage with her in the future without being forewarned about her deviousness, her power-hungry nature, and her ineptitude in performing the most basic pastoral function of holding a congregation together and growing it. 

Besides the horrible reputational damage she has suffered, there may be some deeper reckoning, that between her and God, which will become more apparent with time. I wouldn't presume to know anything about this. All I know is, “what goes around comes around”. 

And there is a larger purge she has become a part of. She’s become one more unfortunate cause of the great wave of people leaving churches in general, especially young people. Maybe it is not unfortunate. Perhaps it is for the best. But surely there is a gigantic hole sitting in the chest of the American psyche, a place of loss and meaninglessness. Christina can consider herself part of bringing that about.

When you give your parishioners nothing real to hold onto, and make your church into a house of cards, for good reasons, they leave. 

So Christina’s catharsis is to have purged out the real Body of the Church. As some would say: sad!

Whether the catharsis of the congregation or Christina’s catharsis is more dramatic, I’ll leave you to decide. Both have seen a huge fall. 

For our part, the catharsis has been the purification of illusions about church life and human groups in general. We have lost illusions, and gained some sober, but helpful, new understandings. 

Both of us have been able to see bullshit coming better from a distance. We’ve both been more brave about speaking up when anyone is treating us disrespectfully. That is a real favorable outcome of this debacle. 

The gap left by our participation in the life of that church makes room for deep study of human nature and the various kinds of group-think that pass for “being a good person” these days. 

For me, it's become a personal mission; to discover what is behind the many awful ways we have departed from our senses, forgoing our true connection to each other. 

As far as I can see, humans have a hard time facing the truth, even truths staring us right in the face. We especially have a hard time resolving conflicts of any kind. In many cases this begins with an unwillingness to engage when any kind of conflict comes up in conversation, or to agree on first principles when engaging. 

Even so, whenever L and I see any kind of collective action that results in genuine human improvement, it is heartening. The joy is greater than before. We don’t expect it. The successes we see in people working together to actually solve problems has become a phenomenon that is even more precious now, after this catharsis. 

The process of learning and discovery continues. We’re encouraged by the continuing audience this website has gained. We welcome your questions or input. If you would like to contact us and share these, fill out the contact form and we will do our best to get back to you. 

Daniel Sperry

A little Church History ( from Daniel)

I wanted to share this video of Noam Chomsky talking about religion - specifically, liberation theology. His talk highlights some truths I learned through my experience with the Ashland UCC. 

A little background first:

“Liberation theology”, as you will hear Noam describe, has been an attempt to revive the Gospels for our time, by putting into practice Jesus’ charge to lift up the least among us. 

Ironically, liberation theology has played a significant role in the lineage of the Ashland UCC. Pam Shepherd, the charismatic young pastor who led the church for nine years before the events of 2014 to 2016, was a person who promoted this approach. 

There was another member of the church, a woman named Lucy, who was a strong leader by example in this philosophy. Lucy is a woman of means who literally offered herself as a human shield to people in Central America, El Salvador and Nicaragua. By her actions, Lucy was teaching others in the congregation how one could live these principles in action . All of this history in the church is well known by congregants who go back a ways in their participation in the church and who still attend. 

The reason why I bring this up now is that Chomsky in this conversation is making a key distinction. Christianity in the beginning was a religion of the disenfranchised, the poor. The Roman Empire co-opted it so it would become the church of the Persecutor, the Church of the Privileged. 

This is exactly what happened at Ashland UCC. 

When L came, Pam was the Pastor. Pam was conscientiously attempting to cultivate a culture of genuine caring. Lucy, who I mentioned earlier, was an exemplar of this “spirit in action” philosophy, became one of L’s best friends, and later an ally to us during the attempts we made at the Special Congregational Meeting, to alert the Congregation to the fact that something sinister was afoot. 

We wanted everyone to know that the culture of openness and caring was turning into a culture cloaked in secrecy, corruption, privilege and personal self-dealing. 

There is no need for more details here. There are other parts to the story, some that we have shared on this site and some that remain untold. But It is worth watching this video!

The point for me is this: in the world today, very little of what passes for religion bears any resemblance to anything we know about the real reasons why Jesus of Nazareth was called to preach. Whatever you believe about his historical life, there have been times throughout the last centuries when his message has been a force for immense good. 

And yet, tragically, the poison that affects most churches in America today, was brought into the Ashland UCC the day that Christina Kukuk arrived. She assisted in turning the church into the Church of the Persecutor, the Church of the Privileged. She’s wrong about many things, but more than anything, she’s completely, horribly wrong about the teachings of Jesus Christ. She has infected this Congregation with her terribly misguided thinking and that is a loss to the community of Ashland as a whole. 

Let’s look at this through that lens, the lens of the larger community in Ashland. Having lived here for over ten years and studied our local history, I’ve noticed an engrained tendency of the settlers here ( and this is common to humans in general!) to pretend to know things and assert things as true that are simply not true. 

As a community, we should be embarrassed by this, shouldn’t we? Humbled, perhaps? Searching for better answers, maybe?

Unfortunately, the folks at the UCC - to this day! - think they know something, or assert that they know something - that couldn’t stand the heat of even a few minutes of intense and sincere questioning. I see them around town and they tend to scurry away from me, seemingly in shame. Like the witnesses that are being shielded in the impeachment trial by Trump and his defenders today, they have all declined to be questioned, and continue to spin excuses and alibis so that their church can perpetuate its status as the Church of the Persecutor, the Church of the Privileged. 

Thankfully, my life, getting through all this, is a thousand times better, being divorced from this sick church. Anyone who cares even a little bit about the meaning of Christianity is invited to consider this tragic tale as a caution. 

We need to keep divesting ourselves of our illusions, hard as that may be. 

May your New Year be filled with that kind of, at first, “blinding” clarity. “Blinding”, because we feel our world being shaken by it’s light. 

These revelations of better wisdom, I wish for you, however long they may be in coming. 

These are the revelations most needed right now!

Thank you, as always for searching for understanding!

Hip Hip Hooray!

I posted the blog post below:“Thoroughly Dishonest” yesterday morning August 7, 2019. I sent the post to several local people and Traci Blackmon at the UCC headquarters.

Just a few hours later a miracle occurred! The offending photo (in the thumbnail below) had been taken down and replaced! This is the first response we have gotten to the site since way back the first week the site was up, December 2017. At that time, Chris Sohl wrote and accused us of slander. Daniel swiftly replied, correcting his confusion.

Since then, we have had no response from the church to this site. Replacing that photo was the first proof that someone at the church could hear me at all. So although they offered no explanation, no apology and no direct communication, they did replace the photo. I believe they have literally conceded my point.

This is a breakthrough for Ashland UCC Karma! We are thrilled!

Thank you to all the readers! I so appreciate the local readers to this site and the readers across the country and a bunch of people in France! Thanks for reading!

Thank you to anyone who wrote or called yesterday!

Thank you for caring,

~ L Citizen

New Executive Summary released...

Greetings to everyone who has been following this site. We have been wanting for quite some time to provide some kind of video introduction for new visitors. The whole thing has clearly been a difficult train wreck to describe. Here is what we came up with - we posted it on the home page as well:

Happy Anniversary Ashlanducckarma.info ! By L Citizen

January 8, 2019

December 2018 marked a year since this website went on line and what a year it has been!  

Having this site has been a fountain of healing for Daniel and I.  The simple act of putting the truth up on the internet and having it available to everyone with access to a computer has had an incredible ripple effect in our lives.  The daily readership and international reach of this site has been an inspiring phenomenon.  The ugly wounds delivered by ministerial dishonesty and unethical nonsense at Ashland UCC have largely transformed, at least outside the church.  

There is something so ugly and dark about a church turning from a group of people attempting to follow the teachings of Jesus to a dishonest collection of cowards pointing fingers and amputating baptized volunteers to appease the new and profoundly immature minister.   For Rev. Kukuk scapegoating was her main problem solving method when she arrived in Ashland.    

When we received our registered mail letter amputating us from our “church family”, I wondered immediately how the brain trust at the church that made these decisions, thought their plan would work long term?  It seemed to me that making new policies, banning volunteers from the property, in direct contradiction to the churches own motto, “All are Welcome”, would cause nagging issues over time.  It was and remains quite obvious that the leadership at Ashland UCC are not deep thinkers.  

In case you, dear reader, are curious, here is how the new and devolved Ashland UCC appears to be doing two years and three months after severing Daniel and I from “the family”, with deceitful gossip.  

First they have attempted to disassociate themselves with their own name.  Now in print (on posters) and even on the news they are calling themselves Ashland First Congregational Church.  This is because the behavior of the ministers and followers at Ashland UCC have so disgraced the name, they decided the best way to continue their facade of  church is to distance themselves from the reputation they sullied of Ashland UCC.   

From my perspective the name change is a really great thing.  They are not using Christ in their name to promote their Christless church.   Which on some level must be a relief to Christ himself.   Also they are not pretending that the word United has something to do with their group.  So, I see the name change as a solid improvement.   

Of course pretending to have another name is not the end of the story.  Daniel and I strolled down to the Armory for the Christmas Faire of local artisans and crafts people the day after Thanksgiving.   Adam Kukuk (hired as Ashland UCC music director and husband of Rev. Christina) was coming out of the building as we approached.  When he saw us, he rapidly did an about face and scurried back in to gather his family.  His efforts to flee were thwarted by the crowd in the entrance.   As we approached, I ended up standing directly behind him, watching him try to survey the scene without turning his head.  Small darting motions with his eyes attempting to see behind him.  He wasn’t actually brave enough to use his neck and rotate his head.  

As the crowd broke up, he advance several feet and reached his daughter emploring “get Mom” “where’s Mom?”.   The sad reality of what has become of Ashland UCC was so glaring as the Kukuk family scurried out of the local event, dark beady eyes darting hither and yon to locate the terrifying banished.    

To me the saddest part of this scene was not the grandparents in town for the holiday or the pitiful minister and her small husband frantic and peering; but the children.  I must admit I don’t understand the kind of woman that makes her children pay for her dishonesty and corruption by teaching them to scurry.   It is one thing to tell huge lies about innocent volunteers.  It is another thing to tell lie after lie after lie to your own congregation to attempt to shore up your corrupt leadership.   But to teach your own children to approach life from a place of cowardice?!  I can’t understand how she can look at herself in the mirror, let alone preach from the Ashland UCC pulpit.    

When I was quite a young child I remember learning that integrity was the most precious thing any human possesses.  It is one part of each of us that no one can take away, that we ourselves are responsible for.    Integrity is when your words line up with your actions and your word means what it says.  People can count on you.  

When you have integrity there is no need to scurry.  You can stand and face the world with your head up, with courage.  

Which naturally brings me to Brad Roupp.  In thinking about all that has changed in the past year since we published this website perhaps the best change of all is that Brad Rouppe clearly no longer feels entitled to harass me.  I can see now that his puffed up status at the church gave him the impression that he was entitled to behave however he wanted to.  If he felt childish he could go ahead and bully church volunteers.  I don’t know what his inner journey is, but I do know that he steers completely away from me, now.  Not so much of a scurry more like a scamper or a duck and cover.  And speaking from first hand experience being entirely avoided by Brad Roupp is 100% healthier than volunteering to help him.   If this site accomplished nothing else, beyond ridding my life of Brad Rouppe’s noxious behavior it would still be a radical improvement.  But this site serves the crucial purpose of warning readers of the stunning dangers built into Brad Rouppe’s church.   

This site has been an amazing balancer of karma.  Daniel and I did not deserve to be treated as though we were disposable cups.  We were enthusiastic volunteers with a love for Jesus and community.  

Brad Roupp did not deserve to bully me and receive total loyal support and cover up from the church leadership.  Rev. Kukuk had no business making us into enemies of the church with her relentless deceit.   Paula Sohl jettisoned her persona of righteousness to spread lies and gossip about Daniel and I, even though she helped baptize us.  

But Daniel and I, Paula, Brad and Christina all deserve this website, the truth stated, for the record for everyone to see.   When anyone Googles Ashland UCC or Rev Christina Kukuk this site comes up first.  As is appropriate. We are not disposable cups, we are people and our experience is part of the record now.  

In the end it is tragically sad that Reverends Kukuk and Sohl were able to turn Ashland UCC into Ashland First Congregational of exclusion and lies.  When 2016 began Ashland UCC appeared to be such a vibrant progressive Christian community then Rev. Kukuk arrived.  She was able to transform the whole place in her own ego oriented, scurrying image.  It is a terrible shame.  

The only positive thing I can say about the abusive church is, this tragedy has benefited from accurate reporting of events.   

The Resistant Arc Of Justice

From Richard Rohr’s daily mailing 7.20.2018:

"We are beginning to understand, amidst the horror and suffering of our divisions, that we will be well to the extent that we move back into relationship with one another, whether as individuals and families or as nations and species.” —John Philip Newell 

This quote points to the essential problem at Ashland United Church of Christ.  The folks at that "Church" don't see the hypocrisy of all the division Rev. Kukuk and her supporters on the council have planted and insisted upon since Rev. Kukuk arrived in Ashland in January of 2016.  

When the Kukuk's arrived in Ashland, all Christina had was self-interest and bad faith to offer and teach.  So, lying, gossiping, scapegoating and enemy-making has been her schtick.  I still can’t understand why anyone is still supporting her spewing from their pulpit or why people are still attending.  Rev. Christina Kukuk is an obvious and documented pathological liar. 

A few weeks ago I wrote to Traci Blackmon, Executive Minister of Justice & Local Church Ministries for the United Church of Christ, about the toxic influence of Rev. Kukuk on the Ashland community.   Rev. Blackmon did not respond.  I have posted my letter below as I promised her I would.  (I am a little late with the post, I got busy.)  

I have learned so much from the United Church of Christ that is important to note.  

I learned that the church administration and officers do not give a single hoot about the people who attend their churches.  Baptism is a farce, as is communion and the idea of the Body of Christ.   "Church" is a series of rituals designed to inspire you to support the church financially.  

There is apparently no way within the church system to question or object to a minister, that will actually be addressed.  

The spiritual worth of a particular church is entirely dependent upon the integrity and grace of the minister.   “The church” does not behave with basic common courtesy.   There seems to be no actual observance of ethics.   

The lessons on bad faith that I learned from Rev. Kukuk are plentiful.   She has made quite an elaborate art form out of her deceitful scapegoating routine and simultaneous displays of, little girl, self-pity, complete with tears.   Rev. Kukuk’s enthusiasm for “getting rid of people” seems like such a radical and ill-fated plan to pull off in what was our open, privileged, fragile, white community.  But the people still attending Ashland UCC seem to enjoy her.    They seem to really like the church of lying, gossip, amputation of volunteers and self-satisfaction.   They are still touting their “core values of inclusivity and social justice.”  I see now that a woman with the maturity level of a junior highschool, mean girl can pass as a minister in a UCC church.  

For the record, core values are what a person (or institution) with integrity adheres to.  Core values are principles.  Integrity demands that we honor our principles, especially in times of distress.   You don’t get to proclaim core values if they crumble and disintegrate at the slightest breeze or little bully.  You don’t get to label yourselves “social justice” when you can’t even entertain a conversation with the people you have chosen to convict, before you amputate baptized members from your “community”.    

As of this morning, our site has had 1046 visitors and 1707 visits;  771 of those visitors were in Oregon, 434 in Ashland.   I’m grateful that I have this platform to warn people about this toxic church and Rev. Kukuk’s spiritual and ethical dysfunction.  I have seen and experienced how deeply destructive a minister of bad faith and poor character is to a community.  The most important thing any of us can do in the face of corruption and evil is; speak the truth and warn others away.  

In Jesus' Third Way,

~ L Citizen

Below is my letter to Rev. Blackmon, to which she did not respond:  

Dear Rev. Traci Blackmon,

On the United Church of Christ website, there is “A Pastoral Letter to a United Church in a Divided Country” dated November 9, 2016, just after the election.  The letter opens with this bolded line:

"United in Spirit, and inspired by God's grace, we love all, welcome all, and seek justice for all."

Later in the letter:

“We rise up and respond to public derision of "the other" with a full embrace of and warm welcome for all God's beautiful children. We confront the injustices of the powerful with a steady drumbeat of justice.”

You and two other officers at the United Church of Christ signed this letter.

I recognize these lofty ideals from your advertising and from my years of church attendance with the United Church of Christ.   And yet, my partner and I were amputated from Ashland United Church of Christ on October 8, 2016.  Just a month prior to your declarative letter.  Rev. Christina Kukuk decided my partner and myself both baptized, continually volunteering and contributing members, were no longer included in ALL.  In fact, to avoid any discussion of her destructive and Christ-less decision, she insisted we be declared trespassers.  Not only UNwelcome but banned from the property that I had spent 250 hours volunteering service to the previous year. 

Rev. Kukuk, in Ashland, managed to amputate and excommunicate us with nothing but lies and her pervasive disregard for community, principles and Christ himself.

  Daniel and I just don’t get to be welcome anymore.   Why?   Well, she didn’t give a reason that we ever heard.   Her ministry is based on slander and gossip.   She declared that we were “harmful” and dangerous and therefore, we could no longer be included in ALL. 

You see?  If you don’t have any accountability in your system then your churches’ stated values can fall completely away, without your noticing.  

I served the UCC faithfully for 10 years (6 1/2 in Ashland, 4 in Bath, Maine).   I believe that we are each called to attempt to love one another, I was devoted to that particular Body of Christ because I believed we were attempting to learn about Jesus and follow his teachings.  I was on the council for three years just before Rev. Kukuk descended upon our town.  I have read the Ashland UCC constitution (prior to 2016) and was impressed by its inclusive congregational values.   

Reverend Kukuk has shown no integrity with the principles of the United Church of Christ, in her behavior toward Daniel or me.   She made policy that amputated us from the community because she and Brad Roupp decided to “get rid of” us.  She accused me of behavior that she made up and encouraged the congregation to disregard us.   It was not a small thing throwing baptized members out, yet she and the church maintain their motto, Ashland UCC “holds an inclusive vision” and “All are welcome.”  

These are potent community lies.  

In 2016 I was in touch with the Central Pacific Office, Walter John Boris, Bunny Oliver, the Committee on Ministry and Elizabeth Dilley.   We have been treated with total disregard.   In response to the complete lack of accountability, from these officers,  my partner and I created a website  ashlanducckarma.info .   First published in December 2017, we sent a link to all the emails I could hope might care from the national office.  The only “leadership” response we have received was from Rev. Molly Carlson, a knee-jerk note, chastising us that we were inappropriate and to “please stop”. We have seen no sign of any ethical consideration for justice or any regard for the principles espoused by the United Church of Christ.

When I initially mailed the links to the national site I omitted your email.  From the biographical information provided, it seemed to me that you are perhaps the person on the national staff with the highest likelihood of integrity.  I decided to reach out to you later if the rest of your national staff had no response, which is why I am reaching out now.  

My experience suggests that there is no functioning system of ethical review at the United Church of Christ. So there is no accountability for the ideals you preach, no actual convictions.  I have enormous bitter regret for all the time, energy and money I contributed to the UCC over the years.  This sort of betrayal and degradation of values is the main reason churches are dying Rev. Blackmon, but I am sure you already know this.  

We have documented everything on our website.  All the ugly truths, which Rev. Kukuk cannot disprove.  Because she has no facts to back up her histrionic stories, all she has are lies and the cloud of gossip she created.

Still your welcoming, “drumbeat of justice” has been entirely silent to assist us in any way, in our many efforts to have a conversation about principles and what might be so deeply troubling for the Reverend that she began her ministry here by poisoning the community, creating lots of new rules and kicking people out.  Why is that happening at Ashland UCC?  

I am going to keep asking.  

Please visit the site.  Please learn about what is going on here in Ashland.  Your church is corrupt, because Rev. Kukuk is unwell, unfit and simply does not subscribe to the UCC stated/published values.  She admitted herself that the reason she came to the denomination is because, the UCC takes everybody… just not anymore.   Not now that she is in charge.

Rev. Kukuk arrived in Ashland boasting she knew “how to get rid of people”.  (When and where she said this is fully documented on our site.)

It is tragic that, at this time in history, with God’s world upside down and so much suffering that Ashland UCC is spinning in its own faithless stew spreading lies, baseless fear, toxic separation and enemy-making.   It breaks my heart that my former friends are afraid of their minister.  Afraid that they will not be able to have their funerals at their church if they don’t support Rev. Kukuk’s ‘mean girl’, ministry.  That is what Ashland UCC has devolved into.  Your unwell, power-hungry minister divides our community, and there is no effort toward accountability by the church.

Ashland UCC is corrupt, Rev. Blackmon.   The current stance of denial and or apathy in your church, will not change that truth.  I will not stop warning my community and everyone else who cares to read about the destructive and abusive behavior of Rev. Kukuk at Ashland UCC.   Our site is spreading.  We have had visitors to the site from 45 states in the US and we have a new following in Spain!  

The way we see it, you Rev. Blackmon, could be the heroine of this story.  You could take a sober look at Rev. Kukuk and her ministry and come to the undeniable conclusion that she is not functioning according to UCC principles.  You could do something about that.  How could Ashland UCC realign its self with the published values of the United Church of Christ?   If you were to help us correct this misuse of power, we would be delighted to herald your righteous intervention on our site.

Thank you in advance for your aforementioned willingness “to seek justice for all.”  

Please respond.   

In Jesus’ third way,

~ L Citizen

P.s. I will wait two and a half weeks for a response from you Rev. Blackmon.  If there is no response I will publish this letter on our site, July 1. 

P.p.s.  We are also in the process of making an executive summary video of our ugly church story to add to our site.  We think the video will make the website far more shareable via all manner of social media.  

SAD Stewardship

A few weeks ago I happened upon an old friend who still attends the Ashland United Church of Christ.   Daniel and I have both been shunned for over two years now.  No one from the “faith community” we used to be members of, talks to us.  Now that we have the website they no longer look smug and superior when we see them, now they look they just realized they have forgotten to put on their pants.  

To my astonishment, this old friend flung her arms around me and said, “Oh L I miss you!  I miss Daniel!  I’m so worried because I want Daniel to play at my funeral and he won’t be able to.” 

She continued, “If you could get kicked out, so could I!”

I agreed.  “Yes, of course, you could.  Christina has made a point of displaying her power to expel anyone she decides to hate.” 

My dear old friend immediately began defending the church, her sentiments; you can’t expect anything of church people.  

I find this perspective bizarre.  What low self-esteem people must have to continue to attend a church to listen to a woman who is a documented pathological liar preach about Jesus?

My former friend and congregant is afraid of the leadership of her church.  Because they make policies based on lies and depart radically from their stated “inclusive core values”.   Lying about what the church is about is the new normal, it’s advertising.  So there is nothing to trust at Ashland UCC.   I know I keep saying that, but it bears repeating.     

Because it’s stewardship time, time to raise the money to pay the Kukuks.  Lots and lots of money.  The theme of stewardship this year is: “Journey to Generosity - following the path of Jesus.”   

How truly sad.  

Rev. Kukuk is once again using Jesus to instruct the elder people of her church to give her money.  I have no doubt that Jesus is horrified and would not give her a penny.  It is mystifying why the people at Ashland UCC want her there, degrading their once decent church. 

Here is an idea people, don’t make a pledge.  Stand up for the dignity of your church and Christ and don’t support the Kukuk’s ministry.   

Because if you google “corruption United Church of Christ”, this site comes up in first and second place!  How is Rev. Kukuk really working for you?

   Now instead of having the sterling reputation, the Ashland UCC used to have, word on the street is Ashland UCC is Corrupt and Abusive.  Literally, there are fliers up around town.   

I was thrilled to hear from a friend last month that she mentioned the corruption at Ashland UCC to a new co-worker and that co-worker had already heard about the ugly church from her neighbor.   

This is the sad progress of "stewardship" here in Ashland.

In Jesus' third way,

~ L Citizen

“Who is googling Christina Kukuk?”, Daniel asks...

We are learning more all the time about tracking who is coming to the site - not by name, of course, but by how they got here.

One of the searches that is being made a lot these days is “Christina Kukuk”. As it turns out, when you google “Christina Kukuk”, this site comes up close to the top of the search results. 

This made me want to address whoever it might be, and I imagine this could be sorted into possibly two groups. Well, one would not be a group. One might actually be Christina Kukuk!

I would address her first, then...

 "Christina, we are very glad you are visiting to find out how many people have this whole story available to them. Although we understand that this does not reflect well on you, we hope you understand that we had to find a way to create accountability for you and the church. We discovered in our repeated attempts to communicate and understand what was happening when we were members there, that you, the leaders of the church, and even the administrative structure of the United Church of Christ, itself, were all very unwilling to be held accountable, in any way. This account, then, gives people all over the country and in Ashland the opportunity to learn the whole story. A great development in this story line would be if anyone at all from the church, including you, would actually be willing to talk with us about what went wrong, and even, if I may be so bold as to imagine it, to seek genuine repair. We are open to hear your thoughts, if you begin to see the mistakes you have made. So much damage has been done.”

The other camp who may be googling ”Christina Kukuk” might be those who are trying to evaluate her for some reason, perhaps in consideration of attending the church, or maybe even for some future role somewhere. To those folks I would just say, “Take your time. There is plenty to learn here. And if you would like to get in touch to ask questions, we have a contact form, and we are glad to communicate.”

Maybe the mystery of who is googling “Christina Kukuk” will become more clear over time. For now, it seems like a positive development to us.

Fantastic News!

by L Citizen

I have super cool news about this site!   As previously reported, Ashlanducckarma.info got a bump of 44 views on April 10.  This was up from the customary 3-5 viewers we were getting each day for the past couple of weeks (not a single day has passed since original publication 12.19.17, without a visitor).  Last week, I had not advertised the site or sent links to anyone so I became curious about what accounted for the bump.  I started really studying analytics for the first time and boy howdy are they fascinating!  

First of all, Daniel reported a couple of weeks ago that we had over 600 visitors, after which the site had a big week!   As of April 24, this site has had 763 unique visitors.  The really fun thing is that most people that visit the site, view more than one page and visit the site again!  The total number of visits to the site is 1209 and page views 5449, how great is that?!  

We have heard from people first hand that reading what we have posted here has helped them.  

This does my heart so much good!  

I am so grateful that we have been able to transform the ugly degradation of our former church into a website for honest exposure of corruption.  Instead of a wound that I would carry for the rest of my life, this website is a transformational resource for others who find themselves part of an abusive church, or found themselves bewildered by the heartlessness of a Kukuk.   

I’m gratified to be exposing the “All are Welcome” church, for its profound hypocrisy.   They simply pretend “all are welcome” until they want to kick someone out.    After they kick people out they are happy to resume pretending “All are Welcome”.  They need you “all” to pay for their overpriced, toxic ministers.  

On top of all this, the people I see around town from the church, no longer strut around with smug superiority when they see me.  Now they scurry away, study the sidewalk, or like Brad Roupp, duck behind the table saw at Ace.     Doesn’t that speak volumes!?

So much winning! 

And it’s early!  This site is obviously available 24/7.

The truly marvelous and delightful thing about transformation is that the benefits never end.  

Thank God and Jesus for the internet!

This website is being read all over the country....( from Daniel )

We discovered something quite amazing this week. There are people all over the country visiting this site!

We've seen unusual episodes of increased traffic to the site this last week. One day 44 visitors, out of the blue. Very few people who have visited the site have been in contact with us, although it is easy to get in touch via  a form on the contact page. We've chosen not to enable the comments feature of the site, since as we all know, trolling is a popular pastime these days, and we'd prefer to curate the feedback and publish our responses to it. 

L has been much more proactive about studying the traffic patterns of the site and she discovered a feature in Google analytics that shows where visitors are coming from. It turns out, they are coming from many, many states, all over. In fact, besides Oregon, the biggest concentration of visitors to the site have been from Tennessee. Actually, Lebanon, Tennessee.

First of all, we welcome all of you who are reading this site. Our experience at Ashland UCC was that all are not actually welcome ( even though they want you to believe the opposite). By contrast, one of the main reasons we wanted to put up this site is to foster a conversation about abuse of power in churches, and how these institutions which are supposed to serve the spiritual life of their communities become corrupt and actually end up having the opposite effect: corroding the values of decent people by modeling absolutely awful behavior like hypocrisy and lying. 

We not only welcome your visits to the site, but we want to invite you to get in touch and share any stories or thoughts you have on this big topic. Maybe you are exploring this because something similar or related has happened at your church. We'd love to hear about it. Almost the only way we know of to sort these kinds of problems out is through dialogue. And most people are not brave enough to have the conversations needed to address the issues involved. If you have things to say, or ideas you'd like to share, we'd love to hear from you.

Secondly, we have always thought that, at least perhaps, if folks at the church we used to love and attend became more familiar with what actually happened, rather than continuing to believe the insidious storyline that they have been fed by the leaders of the church, maybe they would like to be in touch and express something about how they felt being involved in a church that engages in such subterfuge. There has been so much broken, but it isn't as if it is entirely beyond repair. Every relationship matters, and that is, it seems to me the whole point. Jesus, as far as we know, wasn't an exclusive human being. He did not preach exclusion. And God, as far as we believe, isn't unmerciful, as the church has been. 

If the church, Christina, Paula, the Council, still wants to claim to be merciful - and I don't know that they do! - I am going to claim to be a unicorn! They may try to point to things they have done as merciful, but any of those things they may claim ( mediation, some notional idea of due process) have all been found to be merciless; a pretense, hollow and false. The biggest proof of that is the very fact that they have refused to speak to us, even when we have attempted in so many ways, in good faith, to engage a conversation with them all. 

Just in case the leaders of the church wants to use the pretense that " L and Daniel spoke words in anger" and that caused "harm", let's remember that Jesus spoke words in anger many times. Jesus was not angered by much, other than the pretentiousness and hypocrisy of the leaders of the church of His time. 

Maybe you have had the experience in your own life that when you are having a difficulty with someone who is angry about your behavior towards them, if you talk to them and treat them as if they are a person like yourself, who has feelings, just like you, and must have some reason for feeling as they do - in other words, if you take them seriously - you find they settle down and you begin to find common ground and avenues for repair. 

This is pretty basic human psychology. We think we have valid thoughts and justifications for the actions we are taking, but until we have brought our thoughts into the arena of dialogue and given others the chance to examine them and consider them and walk through our reasoning with them, we can't really know whether we are on solid ground - the kind of ground that would make life better for us and others, not just now, but out into the future.

Here is what we have now. If you Google Christina Kukuk, one of the first results you get is "the corruption of Christina Kukuk and the Ashland UCC Church". Meanwhile, over 600 people around the country have visited this site and more new visitors every day. People in New York, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Iowa, Ohio, Washington State and California, and many more states, are all exploring what this story means to them

I have to imagine that this is not the result that the leaders of the church were hoping for, but let's think of it this way: We want the world around us to be a better place. We have to start as close to home as possible. We know that lifting up our voices about what we believe to be true, and inviting dialog about these ideas is a good place to start.

Maybe it seems, to some who may visit these pages,  "negative" or even "harmful" that we have chosen to speak out. Maybe, though, it is truly a message that resonates with many people around the country who are tired of being betrayed by their spiritual leaders and intend to take a more active role in their own spiritual life. 

Our thanks, again, to all of you who have chosen to examine these questions. "Wherever you are on your journey of faith", please let us hear from you if you have thoughts to share.

Lies, Make Believe and Advertising

by L Citizen

It seems to me that it would be so useful to have a national conversation about problem-solving.  What is problem-solving?  

It has become abundantly clear over the past couple of years that lying as a way of managing problems is a relatively common American custom.  Unfortunately, lying is the problem-solving strategy of Rev. Kukuk, Rev. Sohl and Ashland United Church of Christ.  As of 2016, Ashland UCC lies as policy.  

Maybe lying is not the best problem-solving strategy.

Lies lead and guide this once decent church.  Now they are a church that cares nothing for the teachings of Christ, or their neighbors.  They are a church of separation and enemy making, followed by make-believe.  Like a group of children they gather and proclaim that they are a welcoming community, mounds of facts and evidence to the contrary.  

Ashland UCC has created a new website, which states prominently across the home page the church mottos:  “All Are Welcome!  No matter who, no matter what, no matter where you are on life’s journey, you are invited and welcome”.   

And yet their mottos go directly against their exclusionary behaviors and policies.   They have obviously decided that keeping the long proclaimed messages would be the most profitable way to spin, aggressively amputating and banishing members from the community.     

Look at the words; “no matter what” and yet Daniel and I are not welcome there. We have been declared trespassers for reasons still not explained to us.  Rev. Kukuk can’t talk about her outrage to the people she is so afraid of. She can only slander us behind our backs.   So the constantly repeated motto, “All are Welcome”,  is a lie.  “No matter who, no matter what”, are also lies.  

I’m sure if you have spoken to Christina she has accused us of all sorts of beastly crimes. She says whatever she needs to say to get people to line up behind her.  She clearly has no shame about her continuous deceit.     Whatever she says about us, she is lying.   Neither Daniel nor I have done anything worthy of banishment. We have committed no crimes.  We were once loyal volunteers. 

At this point, the only reason Christina Kukuk is still employed as a minister at a UCC is that she has received so much support for all her deceitful corruption of the church.   Not only the congregation but “Rev. Molly”, acting as the Conference Minister, reportedly spoke to Christina and declared her righteous.   Predictably, Rev. Molly’s completely one-sided inquiry into the conflict at Ashland UCC left her with a completely one-sided, erroneous, opinion.   From what I have gathered from my limited experience of Rev. Molly, she is far too incompetent to wield ethical power over the Central Pacific Conference.  I could be wrong about her and hope that I am.  

However, Rev. Molly’s support of Rev. Kukuk’s lies is a key factor in why Christina remains employed as a minister at Ashland UCC.   It would appear that Rev. Molly supports the Ashland UCC website entirely misrepresenting what Rev. Kukuk’s ministry in Ashland has accomplished since she arrived in January 2016.    

During Rev. Kukuk’s short ministry, she has amputated at least two members from the Body of Christ, annihilating two baptismal covenants with the church.  Defying Jesus’ teachings to love one another.   Paula Sohl and Rev. Kukuk encouraged the council and congregation as a whole, to rely on them for all information and to stop communicating to Daniel and me, while simultaneously spreading lies and gossip about us.   Old fashioned shunning in 2016, continuing to this day (4.10.18).  Gossip and fear has been preached and encouraged from the pulpit and everywhere else on church property.  At least 300 relationships have been severed.  All dishonestly.   

The front page of the UCC website states:

"Central to our faith is our belief that Christ calls us to participate in God’s reign of justice, peace, and compassion on earth. We seek to live out an inclusive vision in which all may participate…”.  

I suppose we can only assume that their faith and their words hold no actual value whatsoever.  As I have stated elsewhere on this site, the mutilation of language is Rev. Kukuk’s most utilized tool to manipulate her congregants.   With her church website, she hopes to lure more people of faith into her hollow church, under entirely false pretenses.  

Also, the official website would have you believe:

“Our Minister Christina Kukuk and Associate Minister Paula Sohl together create an atmosphere of nurturing kindness within which to explore the mysteries of God each Sunday morning”.  

Nurturing kindness is the exact opposite of the atmosphere created by Christina Kukuk, from the moment she arrived in town.  What both ministers now do, is lie in the name of Christ to enrich their own status and bank accounts.  Both ministers actually embody what Jesus railed against, religious hypocrisy.  

Most deeply disconcerting is that those who remain in the congregation know they are lying.   Many in the congregation witnessed our ritualized scapegoating and dirty amputation from community.    All people listed in the church directory have had the opportunity to see this site.  The lies are laid bare, clearly stated, there are even recorded lies posted for review.  Yet the official new website is strewn with false statements, as if the people of Ashland UCC have not participated in banishing members.   Somehow the people I used to think of as my church family have accepted that viciously amputating members and banishing them from “community”, while still proclaiming “All are Welcome”, equals “justice, peace and compassion”.   Or at least it is fine to pretend as much.  

I am horrified by the people I used to consider community.  Horrified that they worship such nonsense and in fact are paying top dollar to help their church devolve.   Ashland UCC is a potent little example of the devolution that appears to have taken hold of the whole nation,  lies are everywhere, powers are corrupt, “news” is all suspect, citizens just go along, pretending it’s all fine.   Where is the justice?   Where is the compassion? 

I just finished reading Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown.  Here is an excerpt that speaks directly to the sickness at Ashland UCC:

“When a group or community doesn’t tolerate dissent and disagreement, it forgoes any experience of inextricable connection. There is no true belonging, only an unspoken treaty to hate the same people.  This fuels our spiritual crisis of disconnection.  

So just as profoundly as collective experiences move us, it is clear that not all of these moments are created equal.  When a collective comes together at the expense of others — for example, to bond over the devolution or debasing of another person or groups of people or to bond despite this — it does not heal the spiritual crisis of disconnection. In fact, it does quite the opposite by feeding it.  It is not true collective joy if it’s at the expense of others, and it is not true collective pain if it causes others pain.  When soccer fans yell racist taunts at players or when people gather to hate for any reason the practices of true belonging and inextricable connection are immediately voided and bankrupted.”  (pg.137)

 Ashland United Church of Christ is morally bankrupt and the new website has not improved the situation.  Solving their problems of integrity with more lies in the form of advertising is not sound problem-solving.   Truth matters, whether people at Ashland UCC are willing to admit it to themselves or not.  

Here is a quote from Dr. Jordan Peterson’s deeply intelligent new book: 12 Rules for Life  - An Antidote to Chaos:

“When the lies get big enough, the whole world spoils.  But if you look close enough, the biggest of lies is composed of smaller lies, and those are composed of still smaller lies— and the smallest of lies is where the big lies start.  It is not the mere misstatement of fact.  It is instead an act that has the aspect of the most serious conspiracy ever to possess the race of man.  Its seeming innocuousness, its trivial meanness, the feeble arrogance that gives rise to it, the apparently trivial circumventing of responsibility that it aims at—these all work effectively to camouflage its true nature, its genuine dangerousness, and its equivalence with the great act of evil that man perpetrates and often enjoys.  Lies corrupt the world.  Worse, that is their intent.”  (pg. 229)  

Ashland UCC chose corruption through lies, they are now spiritually and morally bankrupt.  As a way of solving their problem, they have taken up advertising as their new technique in making believe.   Making believe is not a good strategy for problem-solving.   The behavior of Rev. Kukuk and Ashland UCC has gone directly against basic human decency and the teachings of Christ.  Do they really believe that more far-reaching lies will solve their current problems?  They might.  It does seem to work sometimes.  

It was so appropriate that Easter fell on April Fools Day this year.   The church has chosen cheap, childish tricks in place of the real work of Easter, in it’s foolish attempt at passing for a progressive Christian church in 2018.  It is profoundly sad, but the false front of Ashland UCC is what devolution of the sacred looks like.    

The group psychology we experienced at Ashland UCC is, although awful, innate to humankind...( from Daniel )

I was thinking recently how being scapegoated by the people at Ashland UCC has forever changed me. The experience has brought a reckoning to me about how humans treat each other. Of course, I would not have expected this to come through a religious organization, but as it turns out, that is one of the most likely places for such reckonings to take place. 

To make sense of my experience, I have been reading the landmark book by Ernest Becker, Denial of Death. Here are some quotes that jumped out at me, from Chapter Seven: The Spell Cast By Persons:

"Early theorists of group psychology had tried to explain why people were so sheeplike when they functioned in groups. They developed ideas like "mental contagion" and "herd instinct", which became very popular. But as Freud was quick to see, these ideas never really did explain what men ( and women!) did with their judgement and common sense when they got caught up in groups. Freud saw right away what they did with it: they simply became dependent children again, blindly following the inner voice of their parents, which now came to them under the hypnotic spell of the leader. They abandoned their egos to (hers), identified with (her) power, tried to function with her as an ideal."

This describes the group psychology at Ashland UCC so perfectly. I have long felt that the folks there are under some kind of spell, in bondage to Christina's powerfully pious presence and commanding authority.

Becker goes on, "In group behavior anything goes because the leader okays it. It is like being an omnipotent infant again. Encouraged by the parent to indulge oneself plentifully...In the group, each person seems an omnipotent hero who can give full vent to his or her appetites under the approving eye of the (mother). And so we understand the terrifying sadism of group activity."

This description has helped quite a bit in understanding that the folks at Ashland UCC, who were once my friends, who were once highly appreciative of my skills and contributions, are really just conforming to an age-old human behavior pattern.

We are all going to die. We don't want to believe that, of course, even though the anxiety caused by that fact is palpable most every day of our lives. It is not so strange, then, that we seek refuge especially in leaders and groups that promise us some kind of redemption, or at least the illusion that by participating we are involved in a kind of immortality project. 

And, no doubt, the facts of the matter at the church are sadistic, but in the end they are also just pathetic and stupid. No one there, after all is said and done, has really benefited, with the possible exception of Christina, who reaps the rewards, financially, for sure, and maybe in some other kind of perverse way, from her dishonesty and cruelty. 

There is something graceful, though, in all the learnings that have come to me through this difficult passage. I have also seen enormous strength growing in L, as well, who has had to face the scapegoating behavior even more bluntly and directly. Both of us are finding our way, and learning through deep study and reflection what it means to be a human on earth in the year 2018, in a small but wealthy town, full of mostly very timid people. At this point, we certainly aren't expecting anyone from the church to do anything but hurriedly slink away from us when they see us, but maybe one day we will be surprised. Maybe one day the group spell will be broken.

A Widening Audience For This Site....

We are gratified that people are exploring this information. Just a couple of days ago we surpassed 500 unique visitors to the site - a number that has occurred in about three weeks. We also see that about 30% of those have returned. These visits average about six page views, so it appears that folks are taking a good look at the story, exploring deeply enough to get a sense of the situation. We have begun to optimize the site, so that it will gain greater traction in search engines related to toxic churches, church abuse, etc.. We'll continue to engage any comments or conversations about this unfolding story as they come to us and continue to let as many people know as possible about the cautionary tale of corruption at Ashland UCC. Thank you for investigating! 

Examining Hostility...

Not too long ago I was writing a post for this blog about scapegoating. L and I are trying to look at each other’s writing on this site, as we attempt to describe our journey...well...as scapegoats!

There is an enormous amount of writing on this topic, about how scapegoating has been used throughout history, how it helps, in a perverse way, to unify groups, to project their hostilities onto others, removing them from belonging, and allowing the group to end up with a sense of superiority and triumph about what has happened. You can probably think of numerous examples of this, maybe even some happening right now. 

I wrote my post. L reviewed it. She didn't like it so much and she said so. I was frustrated. We talked about it. It was difficult. I eventually deleted it. I realized I was not so clear inside myself about what I needed to say. And I also realized that what was most interesting to me was about my own hostilities. After considering this for a while, I decided to make another try at expressing what I wanted to say.

Sometime in the midst of this soul-searching as I walked past the Varsity Theater downtown recently, I saw a poster for a movie called “Hostiles”. This was the name given to the native people of this land as the settlers from the East made their way West. Not too mysterious why those original peoples would in fact be hostile, when you think of what they were facing: hordes of unfamiliar humans with little sense of connection to the Earth, other than as takers of the land; foreign invaders who proved more than willing to take what they wanted through violent means. In that case, the label “hostile” is ironic, isn’t it? Who is being hostile there?

Homing in on the word “hostility”, got me to thinking more about my own daily hostilities. I am hostile towards people who as a matter of course are not willing to face things. I have had to face a lot of things. Why can't people face things? I am not very tolerant of this tendency, because I know how much havoc it has wreaked in my own life.

It is also easy for me to be hostile towards many things which in the aggregate we might label with the words, “the system”. However you feel about "the system", having a convenient whipping boy for all your failures that goes under the name of "the system" has a very distracting effect on your addressing the things that need to be addressed regarding such failures. For that reason, I am trying to reduce my hostility towards "the system".

I also have a feeling of disdain, bordering on hostility, towards folks who fall far short of anything one might think of as “critical thinking”. This is also particularly ironic, since “critical thinking”, for me, is somewhat of a newly acquired interest, a skill as yet still developing. As with many hostilities, it does improve the sense of superiority if you can line up a target as a punching bag.

If you say you don’t have hostility, I have a hard time believing you. Some people have an angry presence, others are quite good at conveying anger in a very pointed way when they feel their boundaries are being violated; still others can not muster much of an expression of anger even when malevolent activity is occurring right around them, possibly by actual friends of theirs. Anger itself can be protective, while hostility is more intense and more destructive.

Hostility has the flavor of unfriendliness, malevolence, unkindness, or actual hatred. Everyone has a different relationship to their hostility, on the spectrum of unconscious to more full blown and active. 

I am aware how much hostility may have already been brought up by the publication of this site. In John Love’s letter, a sense of outrage was expressed. There was outrage that we would talk to the organizer of a group that was holding a meeting at the Ashland UCC, from which L and I would, by the action of the church, be excluded. Why this was outrageous is mysterious to me, but so goes the irrational nature of hostility. The content of the letter was (and I am paraphrasing) “those people are haters”. And yet, the spirit of it was more like, “we really hate these people!"

I remember attending the “Songs of Protest Singalong” at the Unitarian Church in the fall, sponsored by Rogue World Music. Mark Yaconelli had kindly and appropriately moved the event from the UCC where it was originally scheduled, when I protested that it was not open to all. That was a victory of sorts, but what I experienced when I was there was a whole cohort of people from the UCC looking back at me from the pews in front...with hostility! Other than L, I think I am probably the last person they want to see. 

I thought at the time, "well, that is interesting..and sad!" How long will this go on? We are at war, apparently. The folks at the church, I imagine, continue to see L and I,  and our ideas, and our commitment to speaking and spreading the truth about our experience there, as an existential threat. I don’t know that to be true, of course, because not one person appears to be interested in a sane conversation with me.

But you know what is below the surface when someone you have had differences with enters your physical space. All the history, all the outrage, all the hostility is carried in the air between you. 

My own personal, ongoing task is to keep examining myself. Some curiosity is helpful. What motivates me? What animates the various prejudices and fears and even hostilities that I have? What is true? What is not true? What is reasonable to have hostility about?

Back in June of 2016, when an email sent to request mediation with the Council garnered a response by Ward Wilson, I was amazed that the sentiment he expressed was that he would not participate in mediation if he had to be subjected to “incoherent, vicious rage”.  

"Why was he saying this?”, I wondered out loud to L at the time. I know of no meeting that he attended, or even a meeting that I attended that would have been described to him, that could be characterized as either L or I behaving with “incoherent, vicious rage”. But there it was. He had heard it from somewhere. 

People being angry at all appears to be quite frightening and unacceptable. If you are not aware of your own unconscious hostility, judgement and sense of superiority, maybe you could think of someone being angry as having “incoherent, vicious rage”? Or is it more likely that if you described it that way, you are deliberately manipulating the truth?

Ward is a very gracious man. Where did he get this idea? It is simply untrue. I know this. L knows this. We were angry. No doubt about that. But incoherent, no. We had very specific points that we were making and very specific questions. And no doubt, it was uncomfortable to hear those uncomfortable questions. "Vicious"? Also, no. We were doing everything we possibly could at all times to respect the people we were talking to. The truth is, we were arguing in good faith. We were discussing what had happened with the sincere belief that anyone we were speaking to would be willing to consider what was being said and consider it on it's merits.

The legend of “vicious, incoherent rage”, was planted in him, like a seed, just as it has been in the 50 odd people who signed John Love’s “Open Letter”. It is a fiction. There are only a couple of people - well, three, to be exact, who could have spread that lie: Brad Roupp, Becky Martin, and Christina Kukuk. They were the only ones who had sat in on any meetings about this conflict in which we were present. Who, of those three, had the motive to create the lie, and the scapegoating? Who wanted the congregation unified around her? 

The fact that we all have various hostilities shouldn't come as a surprise. The Germans did before WWII, towards the Jews, and Hitler was able to capitalize on that. Southern landowners had hostility towards people in the North who had the audacity to assert that people are not property, and certain aristocrats in the South were able to exploit that. Job-starved white Americans feel hostility about folks from other countries entering the US and becoming gainfully employed. Trump has been able to take advantage of that. The fact that such hostilities exist - shouldn’t surprise us. And they are always ripe to be exploited.

Likewise, when this conflict started back in 2016, L and I questioned the judgement and good faith of people at the church who were acting with poor judgement and lack of good faith. Not unsurprisingly, our very questioning of these things seemed to cause hostility towards us. That's not too surprising. Who wants to have their judgement and good will questioned, over and over again? That would be hard, especially if you have a sense of superiority about your righteousness. It might help if you are doing some self-examination about those issues and it might help if you are committed to working through such issues with all parties...sincerely and as humbly as possible!

Exploiting that potential for hostility through dishonest means, though, that is not just tragic. It is truly malevolent. Because great damage has been wrought, intentionally, to the whole sense of community and good faith that existed before Rev. Christina Kukuk arrived on the scene. 

Maybe that is permanent damage. Out in the woods, up through Lithia Park, branches have fallen. Everything is covered in leaves and muck. Things are breaking down out there. It is in the nature of things for that which is no longer useful to fall and disintegrate and create a substance from which new life will come.

On the anniversary of the Kukuk’s arrival in Ashland, Oregon, my wish is that the whole web of lies that have been created out of the collective hostility of people at the Ashland UCC - with such horrible leadership - might fall and disintegrate; descend into muck, be dissolved, be returned into a substance that can sustain life. 

Letter to John Love, from L...

John,

Wednesday night I received a link to your letter dated November 17, 2017.   It has taken me several days to process the new level to which you have stooped, in the name of church.   It is disconcerting that you were able to get 50 people from the church, to sign on to your inane letter.  Apparently, you thought using the names and reputations of as many people as possible to back up your accumulated dishonesty was the best way to show your strength and righteousness.  

I’m glad I finally got a chance to see it.   Because your letter makes many false claims and many of the statements are based on false assumptions.  Let’s really look at what you offered in November and manipulated decent folks into signing.  

You claim: 

“Central to our faith is our belief that Christ calls us to participate in God’s reign of justice, peace, and compassion on earth.”

Now John, based on the behavior of you, your council friends and especially your clergy, you are not at all interested in justice, peace or compassion.  You bully.  You slander.  You lie.  You cannot and will not have a conversation with the folks you claim you are being victimized by.  

Nevertheless, you claim:

“We seek to live out an inclusive vision in which all may safely and respectfully participate in every aspect of the church’s life.”

I believe that the church used to seek an “inclusive vision”, but that was before Christina.   You cannot claim that Rev. Kukuk is a woman who holds an inclusive vision.  She amputated us based on lies.  She turned the whole community upside down with her strategies of enemy making.  It is her ethical misconduct that cannot be discussed.  There is nothing safe or respectful about Rev. Kukuk’s behavior.  There is nothing respectful about your behavior, John. Lying is not respectful.  Using your “church friends” to back up your lies, is neither safe, nor respectful.  And banning people from church property to cover for the ethical misconduct of your deceitful minister is institutionalized pathology.  

You further claim:

“One has verbally attacked and physically intimidated members of our congregation in a variety of public settings—a coffee shop, the Growers’ Market, and on public sidewalks.”

Here you are speaking of my attempts at street accountability.  I know accountability is a dirty word at Ashland UCC these days, but I it remains true that accountability for people in positions of power is fundamental to justice and there is no justice at your church.   

I believe that you used the term “physically intimidated” simply to mislead and breed fear.    I don’t believe that at 5’4’’ my silver haired, asking of questions, was truly physically intimidating.  I do believe that people felt put on the spot, when I called them on their behaviors. I believe they want to go along with your claim that my talking to anyone from the church constitutes harassment, but that is really just privileged, white fragility, not actual harassment.

Let’s get specific. At the Growers’ Market, I asked Joanna  Niemann, “How did it feel lying about me to the whole church?”  

Joanna immediately claimed I was harassing her, but the truth is, I sincerely wanted to know why she was willing to be so destructive and dishonest.   This is called natural consequences.  

Within seconds she said, “I’m calling the police.”

I said, “Please do!  I want to talk to them about your fascist church.”  

She looked concerned, reconsidered and put her phone down…

I asked her other questions. Among them:

“How do you feel being a fraud in the community?  

Do you feel badly for taking money from me to teach things you don’t have integrity with?

How do you justify calling yourself an expert in Restorative Circles and holding no integrity with the principles of Restorative Circles?” 

These questions could not be more warranted.   Joanna refused to answer anything and looked at her phone for rescue.   If you lie about people in public settings and you see those people around town,  it is a natural consequence that the people you have been lying about might feel they have a bone to pick with you.  

When you claim to be an expert of Restorative Circles and you promote none of the actual principles of Restorative Circles, and the result of your lies is destruction of the reputation of someone else’s life in the community, it should be expected that your amputated former student would want to ask you about your deception when she encounters you in public.  

Joanna has aided Rev. Kukuk in suppressing a conflict, thereby feeding the initial power imbalances and helping to expand the conflict to multiple conflicts.  Joanna used her persona of “expert” of social justice to endorse Rev. Kukuk’s false claim  that Daniel and I are not capable of civil discourse and therefore not worthy of a Restorative Circle.  This is entirely untrue.   Joanna, apparently, made her assessment of our abilities based on Christina’s agenda and her desire to ingratiate herself to the new minister, because she didn’t talk to us.  Joanna’s input helped justify Rev. Kukuk’s  slanderous conviction of us.  Now Joanna is on the church council and John has characterized our encounter as “an unwarranted attack”.  

I see Joanna’s behavior as the very antithesis of non violent or socially just.  I have found Joanna’s behavior egregiously destructive to me personally and to justice, the church and community in general.  Therefore, I asked questions of her at the Growers’ Market.  

Apparently, Joanna, you and 50 others, believe that asking Joanna about her deceptions constitutes an “attack”.  I believe Joanna felt attacked simply because she knows what a heinous thing she has done to me.  She knows how infuriated I have every right to be, over the life shattering lies she told.  She knows the magnitude of the injustice she has enabled.   So when I show up in front of her at the Market, she’s scared. That’s natural consequences.  

I submit that Joanna felt attacked because she is guilty of slanderous behavior against me and Daniel and she didn’t like hearing about it.  She felt embarrassed. She is committed to hiding these ugly realities  about herself.  At her church everyone is hiding ugly realities.  It seems as though Joanna feels that she should be universally protected from her lies, like she is protected at her church.  

But John, Joanna should be embarrassed. So should you. 

You continue:

“While we continue to wish them peace, we will no longer remain silent.”

This statement is laughable.  You, your clergy and your council friends do not and never have wished us peace.  You have slandered us continuously as you shunned us.   Then without ever talking to us, you amputated us from the Body of Christ, all the while relentlessly assassinating our characters.  In your letter you stoop lower than I have seen before, in attempting to breed baseless fears further into the community.   

Do you know the definition of “peace” John?   Peace is not what your church is doing.    

You claim you “will no longer remain silent.”  

Really? How so?  You write a fraudulent letter and get 50 of your “faith community friends” to sign onto it and then you present it as your holy defense.  To whom?  

Who are you accusing?   Where did you send the letter? 

You are silent about all the facts.  And you don’t mention the intention behind your “open letter”, which is to distract from the enormous cluster of ugly policies and corruption that you and leadership have been up to for nearly two years.   You don’t want to have a reputation for what your church actually does.  You feel it is better for “minding the gap” (bringing in money) for people to continue to believe you foster an inclusive community.  Your letter was written in an effort to  protect your propaganda and, of course, your reverend.    

Then this:

“Each time a member of our community yields to expressions of hatred, our community is weakened.”

I agree with this statement and I do see that Rev. Kukuk’s ministry has spread an ugly weakness throughout the community.  Y’all are extremely motivated to mischaracterize everything about yourselves, your church, me and Daniel.   When you can’t be honest, when you can’t communicate directly, when you use language to manipulate and mislead, you are weak.  How do you not see that the aggressively, deceptive style of church that Rev. Kukuk is teaching you, has weakened “our community?”    This is a serious question John, I wish you would at least consider answering it.  

Then you claim:

“We must stand up to it wherever it shows itself – and especially when it happens in our own community.”

So your answer to our publishing your corruption, which you characterize as “attacks”, is to “stand up to it wherever it shows itself.” 

How is your letter an act of standing up?  What is courageous about it?

You don’t name us, you don’t name your ministers, you didn’t send your letter to us and you forever and always refuse to answer the questions we ask.  You have stood for nothing other than Rev. Kukuk, thereby betraying us all.   

You wrap up with:

“We will not allow this behavior to interfere with the sanctity of our church or the work of our faith community.”

It has been painfully obvious for quite some time (and your letter further proves the point) that you have completely jettisoned anything remotely resembling sanctity in your faith community.  When you unite against your neighbors, you are not following Christ.   Christ’s message was, “love thy neighbor”.    Can you remember that?  

It is because I believe in the teachings of Christ that your behavior on behalf of “the church” is so utterly offensive.   You actively mislead people to fear us as a way of protecting your minister from any accountability for her deceitful and toxic leadership.

You and your church have gotten it completely backwards and your letter proves that you are attempting to drag as many people as possible backwards with you.  

The truth is, John, your minister is a very sick woman.  It is as though she has had the flu for two years and has infected everything and everyone.   You can deny and pretend and create messages all you want. There is still an infection in the Body of Christ.  You cannot clean up the church with Christina as your leader.  She needs to be relieved of her duties and be quarantined for a while. She is seriously ill and she has made spreading what ails her a ministry.   With your letter you have had 50 of your friends sign on to an infection.  You have broadcast this infection to try to make people afraid, in order to protect your leader. Please consider these facts. She is sick, John. You can no longer hide or deny that fact.   It’s time to change course.

Illumination!

~ L Citizen

Community Apology...in L's words.

On January 2nd we received a letter dated November 17, 2017 from Laurie True.  

It is called “an open letter”.  In it John Love, the current Moderator of the council at Ashland UCC, asserts many dishonest things (which I address in my response to John, below).  But, first I want to extend an apology to the community for toxic messages promoted by Ashland United Church of Christ. 

Ashland UCC should be sorry for perpetuating lies designed to breed baseless fear in the community.  

In John Love’s open letter he writes:

“They have accused staff and congregants of “corruption,” of being a “fascist church,” “unethical,” “publicly dishonest,” “abusive,” an “exercise in hypocrisy,” and so on.  One has verbally attacked and physically intimidated members of our congregation in a variety of public settings—a coffee shop, the Growers’ Market, and on public sidewalks.”

The first sentence is the most honest of the letter.  The second sentence however is potent with deceit.  It is designed to create fear.   This goes to the very heart of the injustice and destruction of community that is the foundation of Rev. Kukuk’s ministry and the deceitful spirit that is spreading into the larger community from Ashland UCC.  

Let me assure everyone reading this that I am intentionally and thoroughly committed to non-violence.  I do not and have not resorted to physical violence or intimidation. 

I believe that John used the term “physically intimidated” to breed hysteria.    I don’t think that at 5’4’’ my silver haired, asking of questions, was actually physically intimidating.  I do believe that people felt put on the spot, when I called them on their behaviors.  The idea that Daniel and I are violent is a cover that church leadership likes to promote to hide the ethical misconduct of their minister and her policies.   I realize now that they have promoted an idea that it is criminal for me to talk to anyone I used to go to church with.   Just because church people want to believe it, speaking to someone and harassment are not the same thing.  

Let me cut through the b.s. and be perfectly clear: I take personal responsibility for my actions and behaviors and it is not in my nature to escalate conflict.   I am consciously in touch with my genuine aggression and I find productive ways to channel it (this site for example).

Non violence is an ethic that both Daniel and I live by.   Our exhaustive efforts at civil discourse with church leadership are documented on this site and were always rejected.  No one has to fear physical violence from us, or any kind of “unwarranted attack”.   That is a story made up by church clergy and council to justify their shunning, amputation and banning their scapegoats.    The story concocted by Rev. Kukuk and furthered now by so many, has no basis in reality. It simply benefits their minister for the community to be afraid of us. Let that sink in.  John Love seems to operate from the position that whatever Rev. Kukuk wants, she should get.   

I am aware that using language like “attack” and “physical intimidation” breed fear and contempt in the community and that no church should be involved in introducing such groundless, destructive thoughts into the collective consciousness.  But Ashland UCC, has entirely lost it’s way.  Warning community to this sad reality is the point of this entire site.  

Rest assured community: There is nothing to fear from the amputated scapegoats, unless you fear illumination.  We are so very sorry that you have been led to believe otherwise.   That was wrong.  

Committed to Jesus’ Third Way:

L Citizen & Daniel Sperry